If you are viewing this with IE, it works and the song should be auto-playing. If you are using Mozilla, then it's not playing and the page is displaying fucked up text. Ignore the latter, and click on the player. SIGH!

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Hi all! I was recently inspired ... and that's a dangerous thing. I've been posting my music up on various video sharing sites, including youtube and break. On youtube, all but one comment has been positive. On break, the exact opposite ... all but one comment has been negative. So, I became inspired, and wrote the song you are now listening to.

I'm going to build a video for this one ... it's just too good an opportunity to pass up. But, I don't want to just crank out a video of me singing and playing. As I say in the song, "...something spectacular, with lots of tits and ass, that will knock you right out of your shoes". So ... I'm asking people to send me some video footage that I can use. Snippets of face plants, dry ice bombs, chick fights (naked or otherwise), mug shots, my new friend Bubba, whom I met at the jail and now know personally ... anything you can think of that might go well with the song.

I ain't guaranteeing that your footage will get used in the video, and ... if you send it (necessary legal bullshit about to commence), you are granting me the rights to use it, no holds barred.

Email me your snippets to mb@mikeboller.com. It ought to be a fun video to put together, and I'm hoping you all get behind it.

Anyway, enjoy the song ... here are the lyrics:

Take 972, version 3.105, revision 780.2B ... or thereabouts ...

I been postiní my music on Break,
in the hopes that I might get found.
I play a passable to mediocre guitar
and I can belt me out an off-key sound.
But my music gets slammed by the breakcom trolls,
it evidently ainít up to break snuff.
Recording good music and singing and playing,
quite simply just isnít enough.
Without the requisite number of face plants,
naked chick fights, dry ice bombs and such,
All but the trolls will ignore your good music,
and you just wonít get seen all that much.

So, I started planning me up a new video Ö
designed to get some serious views.
Something spectacular, with lots of tits and ass,
that would knock you right out of your shoes.
My first thought was a big old dry-ice bomb,
they always seem to be one hundred proof.
Hell, it might even rip my arm clean off,
my hit count should go thru the roof.
Iíve got a buddy with a three story A-frame,
itís got a roof with an 18 12 pitch,
Iím reasonably sure I could develop some serious speed,
trying to skateboard down that bitch.

Ah, the face plant it would be incredible,
thereís a good chance I might not survive.
But, Iíd certainly see a bump in my view count,
um ... assuming that Iíd still be alive.
But I considered my lack of health care coverage,
and my relative dislike of pain.
And I decided to opt for a less violent vid,
bustin my own ass, ainít worth the gain.
So I started gatherin me up some hot little hoís,
dressin Ďem in the least that I could find.
I got Ďem half drunk, and pissed off at each other,
hoping theyíd go right out of their mind.

But instead of beating the shit out of each other,
and ripping off their remaining clothes,
The silly bitches merely turned upon me,
stuffed my camera right up my nose.
I then decided to have my own ass filmed,
as I snatched off me some unsuspecting tops,
Or pulled down some skirts and exposed me some thongs,
but I forgot all about the cops.
It seems exposing the wares of an unwilling beauty,
as much as it might seem fun,
Is a good damned way to become a registered offender,
a plight Iíd advise you to shun.

Now Iím giving up my video efforts,
right after I posted the bail.
Trying to gain acceptance on break.com,
really ainít worth going to jail.
Iíll keep postin my stuff up on youtube,
where the comments donít have so much spice.
It may not be racy or sexy or cool,
but a kind word or two is certainly nice.
So if face plants and sex is what it takes on Break
to make oneís video pass
All you sophomoric folk on break.com
may kiss my hairy old ass. Oh yeah.

Yes indeed Ö I got me, I got me the, I got me the Break blues, and Iím about tired of listenin to your shit, you fucking trolls. Why donít you take your opinions and your attitudes and ram Ďem right the fuck up your snout. You know Ö I see a video I donít like Ö I move on to the next video Ö I done wasted my time watching your half-assed shit Ö I ainít wastin another second trying to tell you how bad it fucking was. Jesus.

Now Iím giving up my video efforts,
right after I posted the bail.
Trying to gain acceptance on break.com,
really ainít worth going to jail.
Iíll keep postin my stuff up on youtube,
where the comments donít have so much spice.
It may not be racy or sexy or cool,
but a kind word or two is most certainly nice.
So if face plants and sex is what it takes on Break
to make oneís video pass
All you sophomoric folk on break.com
may kiss my hairy old aaasssssss. Yeah.

Your video is like the worst Iíve ever seen man.

Uh ... donít watch too many videos there do you hoss? ĎCause I can point you in the direction of a whole lot of videos a damn sight worse than mine.

The lighting on your split screen video like totally sucked dude.

No, the lighting was just fine Ö my shit camera didnít do a real good job capturing it, alright?

You like suck man.

Yeah, I blow too Ö whatís your point?

Like your John Mayer cover didnít sound exactly like John Mayer, and I should like know Ö Iím like a John Mayer expert dude.

Um, dude Ö John Mayer does covers of other artists and he doesnít sound like the other artists Ö he sounds like John Mayer! Iím trying to sound like me. Hey, sorry you didn't like it. Kiss my ass.

Donít quit your day job man, and if this is like your day job man, quit.

O.K. ... Iím confused. You want me to quit, or not quit? I don't get it.

I donít like usually comment on videos, but your shit is so bad, I just had to.

Yeah, I know my shit is bad, but howís my music? Youíll do better sticking to your usual.

Iím like not even a registered user man, but I like became a registered user just so I could like personally tell you that like you stink!

Lemme get this straight Ö you went out of your way, taking the time to become a registered user, so that you could post something negative about someone you donít even know? Gee Ö thatís the very definition of being an asshole, asshole. Your parents should be thoroughly proud. Yessiree bob.

Your music completely like sucks man.

Actually, only fifty percent of it sucks, the other half pretty much blows.

I have a theory Ö thereís an asshole born every minute. Back in 1973, and 2:01 am, you were the one! See? The theory works!

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